I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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