The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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