You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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