problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
