Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
