Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
