We're like a lot better than the average bears
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
