I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
