I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
