Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
