i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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