how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
