i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
