i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
