I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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