people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
