How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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