my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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