My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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