No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
