Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
