I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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