I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
