i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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