He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
