there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize