Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
