What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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