Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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