I wish I could punch you in the face.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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