it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
