sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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