I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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