I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
