I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
