I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize