Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
