Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
