Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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