I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
