Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
is that a dick in a sweater?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
