Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
