I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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