i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
