Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
