I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
