The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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