i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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