Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
