I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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