I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
