the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
