Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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