I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
