im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
