Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
