Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
