my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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