Duck Duck Cougar?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
