im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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