having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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