I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Who died my cat blue again?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
