Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Randomize
