I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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