hotel room ftw
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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