Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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