Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
