So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
