WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
