They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
