I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
