I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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