Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
