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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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