Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize