I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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